What is Shared Parenting?
Shared Parenting is an arrangement after separation which guarantees that children have two homes and spend substantial amounts of time - including weekends and weekdays - with each parent, both of whom share in their upbringing and development.
In practice it means:
- Children spend both workday and holiday times with each parent
- Children sleep, eat, work study and play in each home
- Each parent listens and talks to the children
- The parents share the big decisions about the children's lives
- Each parent is involved in their school, sport, music and other activities
- Each parent is in touch with the physical, intellectual and emotional health of the children
- Children are part of two extended families – grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins, friends
2006 book on Shared Parenting co-authored by Michael Green
Information about the book Shared Parenting by Jill Burrett and Michael Green at Finch Publishing.
How Do You Do It?
- Don't leave town: stay as close as practical to one another
- Talk to each other and work out a Parenting Agreement
- Focus on the children: what's good for them, not just what suits you
- Keep at it for their sakes
- Remember that children need two parents
- Remember that they want to love both of you
- Keep conflict and arguments away from them
- Love them and respect one another
Shared Parenting Benefits Mothers & Fathers
Shared parenting after separation and divorce benefits mothers. By dividing the parental commitment, shared parenting gives mothers more time to further their education, advance in heir careers, or to enjoy some leisure time. Mothers with shared parenting are less stressed and therefore better parents and workers.
Shared parenting helps fathers to be really involved with their children's lives– even more than before separation. Children love this. They hunger for the love and attention of their fathers and are deeply affected when they don't get it. Fathers can become hands-on parents and share with mothers the burdens and responsibilities of raising children. Research shows that involved fathers are generous with emotional and financial support for their children.
Shared parenting is the best solution for children after separation and divorce. Children enjoy continued love and interaction with both parents and their extended families, and a lessening of emotional trauma due to separation and divorce. Children in shared parenting spend more time with a parent and less time with costly paid babysitters. Parents benefit by both being involved in the childrens' lives and in decisions about the children.
Children also benefit from geographic stability. If separated parents remain living in the same area, the children are more likely to stay in one school and to maintain their circle of friends. When neither parent is lost to a child, relationships with step-parents are enhanced, because the step-parent is not expected to take the place of a parent.
Next: Parenting Agreements.
